INSIGHTS...all about ME...

Birthday Updates and Thanks

2006-11-06T10:10:00.001+08:00

I've celebrated my birthday yesterday (November 05). It was quite different from my previous birthdays where I spent the whole day celebrating with my friends. Yesterday, it was my first time to celebrate without them since meeting them in college. It was hard...like, it seems my birthday won't be complete without them. Both of them are now working in Singapore. I missed the usual fun and laughters we usually have. I missed the personal greetings and the hugs I get from them.

My birthday this year was quite sad....no Reah and Ellen. And I've got no greetings from him. I have to admit that I was really expecting alot from him. I expected him to send me a message...a text message will do and everything will be fine. My mobile phone was on 24 hrs. yesterday, hoping to get a birthday greeting from him. No luck...

Today, I was again expecting. Expecting a message from him via the internet. Again, no luck. And I guess this is one of the saddest birthdays I've ever had.

Sure, my whole family was with me yesterday. But it wouldn't be fully complete without him.

I was trying to console myself since yesterday that maybe he didn't really forget my birthday after all. Maybe he was just too busy to send me a message. Nevertheless, I will still appreciate it if he will still greet me...even if it's already late.

Thank you so much to the following:

Kat- for not forgetting a single birthday even if we're miles apart. We haven't been together since senior high school, since she went to the States, but she still feels my needs across the oceans. I miss you so much, kat!]

Reah and Ellen - even if we were not able to spend my birthday together, not forgetting my special day is already enough. Thank you for the time you've spared to send me a message. I almost cried when I received it.

Dane- for being the very frist person to greet me...(12:00 MN sharp of Nov. 5). I wasn't really expecting it. Thanks soooo much. It's nice knowing you...it's nice having you as my friend.

The boys (Mike, Bro. Bear, Kevs) - especially for always bearing with my moods.

Chona, John, Bro - for the sweet and inspiring messages.

Of course, my family...no words can describe how much I appreciate all the love and care you give me.

And to those who were not able to greet me...I know you didn't intend to forget my special day...I know you've got reasons and I sincerely understand. Even if it's already late, I will still appreciate your "belateds" to complete my birthday this year.

And to you-know-who, I was really expecting you greet me. You're the only reason why I love to wake up and live each day. You know how much will i appreciate your greetings...even if it's already late. It will be the best gift ever...

Birthday Updates and Thanks

2006-11-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

Birthday Countdown

2006-10-26T13:25:00.000+08:00

It's...10 days before my birthday!!! I hope those people I expect to greet me will not forget this special day of mine.=)

ABC-A Friend (animation)

2006-10-05T08:34:00.000+08:00

Kindly click the link below to view the animation...this is cool...enjoy!!!

http://dingo.care-mail.com/cards/flash/5409/abc.swf

Jesus, Take the Wheel

2006-09-29T08:27:00.000+08:00

This song is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard. It speaks about our faith in Him and how we sometimes neglect to call on Him and speak to Him when we're too busy with other stuffs. But, at the end of them all, we end up running towards Him and He unconditionally reaches out His hand for us to hold. Life is so beautiful because we have Someone in our lives to comfort us and lead us to the road where we're supposed to be...Jesus.

JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL

(Carrie Underwood)

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati

On a snow white Christmas Eve

Goin' home to see her Mama & her Daddy with the baby in the backseat

Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline

It's been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention

She was going way to fast

Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass

She saw both their lives flash before her eyes

She didn't even have time to cry

She was so scared

She threw her hands up in the air

[Chorus:]

Jesus, take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

Jesus, take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder

And the car came to a stop

She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock

And for the first time in a long time

She bowed her head to pray

She said I'm sorry for the way

I've been living my life

I know I've got to change

So from now on tonight

[Chorus:]

Jesus, take the wheel

Take it from my hands

Cause I can't do this on my own

I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus, take the wheel___

Oh, I'm letting go

So give me one more chance

Save me from this road I'm on

Jesus, take the wheel

Oh, take it, take it from me

Oh, why, oh

Blue Sky (Hale)

2006-09-13T10:49:00.000+08:00

When do stars fade their light?

Does the moon and the sun make it right

For you the world maybe

Like an endless storm chasing a mystery

Is there hate in your heart?

Does your body drop and tell you to stop

Loving you or loving me

When it all falls down you just sing with me

Coz there's a blue sky waiting tomorrow

Waiting tomorrow shining and shimmering

A blue sky waiting tomorrow

Waiting tomorrow

Maybe it's all we need

Oh don't you wash away that smile

You just look out the window and see the light its

beautiful to be alive its wonderful to live a life

The sun is sure to shine

For you and me for everyone

So don't be sad it's just the start

Of a new beginning in your life

Rain will keep on pouring

Some things you can't control

And while the sun seems far and hard to hold

It will unfold

There will always be a blue sky

A blue sky waiting tomorrow

Can You Ever Love Me For Me?

2006-08-29T12:12:00.000+08:00

by: Miriam Campo, Source Unknown

Can you ever love me for me?

For the me that I am true and true

Can you love me for my imperfections?

Can you see me as I am and not as you want me to be?

Can you ever love me for me?

For the me that makes mistakes and speaks without thinking

Can you love me even when I am unreasonable?

Can you see me as I am and not for the Angel you seek?

Can you ever love me for me?

For the one that cries when a stranger child is hurt

Can you love me when I am sad without me having a reason to be?

Can you see me as I am not as what I once was?

Can you ever love me for me?

anything goes...

2006-08-15T13:37:00.000+08:00

Badminton day!!! Even if I'm not really in the mood to play, I have to shake off the pressures I've been through last week...to relax a bit. I just have to think that the shuttle cock I'll be hitting later is _ _ _ _ _. And that means hitting very, very hard!!!hahaha damn you, girl!!! you can't intimidate me nor can make me break all my principles with regards to my work!!! I'll never stoop down to your level, I tell you!

----

After badminton? Hmmm, how about eating? Obviously, that's my passion...food. And since yesterday, I was already craving for a chocolate cake. Today, how about pairing the cake with an ice cream...yum yum! =)

----

I've sent Rupierre a friendster message today. Told him about the wedding of our common friend, Shella (Tsuk!) this September 8. We're both invited but I don't know if I can be able to come because the wedding will be held in their province, Tarlac.tsk tsk But I'm so happy for her...at least sa simbahan pa rin ang tuloy...after more than 10 yrs. of being together as bf/gf. After all the "away bati" things....congrats, friend!!!

Bad day

2006-08-10T10:47:00.000+08:00

This is not a good Thursday for me. First: I woke up at the wrong side of the bed because i wasn't able to sleep well last night. I was having clogged nose last night and when I woke up this morning, I was already having sore throat and hell, I've got no voice too. Second: 6:00 a.m, brownout!!! Third: I was late for work again. Fourth: I'm not feeling well today. Sore throat, headache, dry cough and when I went to the clinic to check on my temperature, 37.5 C...well, slight fever.

But everything has to go on smoothly. I have to do my work. Fortunately, not much work to do for Thursday 'coz I've already finished them yesterday...reports and other stuffs...daily report na lang mamya and sign papers for releasing.

rants

2006-08-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

While I was waiting for the clock to strike 5 pm yesterday, I thought of opening my friendster account and checked out what�s new about my �friendsters�. I came across this one guy friend who became my crush way back in high school.hehe I checked out his profile as well as his photos and I suddenly asked myself what did I like about this guy that made me swoon over him way back in high school. It�s because I can�t find anymore the feelings I had for him before. Until now, he never had the chance to know about my feelings for him, and I�ve no intention whatsoever on telling him now. There�s no reason anymore.

There�s only one person that never left my heart. I thought I was already over him after God-knows-how-long, but I was damn wrong. These past few months, I was trying to divert my feelings for him. I�ve tried going out with friends in the hope of making new friends and who knows I can find the right guy. But no luck!!! I�ve met a lot of cute and nice guys, but no attraction really. It�s like my heart is concentrating on someone, that it can�t open its door anymore for someone new. I just realized that I could never teach my heart�nor can even force it.

I know this is quite unfair, because I don�t even know if he also feels the same way with me. But I really can�t do something about it.

After work yesterday, I paid a visit to the Cathedral, just what I�m used to every time I go home from work. I tried to talk to Him, as if I�m opening up to a best friend. I told Him about what�s everything inside my heart. I even told Him that what I�m going through right now really bothers me. That I know He has a reason for everything that�s happening to me�that I know He wouldn�t let me go through this if I can�t be able to survive what He�s given to me. In the end, I asked Him to give me the wisdom so that every decisions I make will be on the right track, decisions that I won�t regret, and are according to His will. I asked Him to enlighten the mind of this someone special in my life, that sooner or later, will finally realize my worth as a person�a person who loves him and will always love him with all her heart�that�s ME.

Music and Me

2006-08-01T14:24:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I wasn't doing anything at home and I decided to listen to my cd collections. I came across this Martin NIevera's love songs collection and I fell in love with two of his songs. These songs that speak a lot of my feelings for someone...and I do hope that one day, I can tell these to him.

STAY WITH ME

From the moment I met you, from the day we've said hello...I know what you'll do to me. Now my life has a meaning, now a story can be told. And one day, you'll say to me. There's a time for the laughters, a time for the tears, a time for forever you and me. I can see the horizon, the sunshine on me. There's hope in tomorrow..come with me.

How can I live if I'm without you. I can't go on if you're not here with me. I'll spend a lifetime dreaming of life with you. No other love can make this dream come true. How can I live if I'm without you. I can't go on if you're not here with me. I want to spend my lifetime in love with you. So please, come and please STAY WITH ME...

WITH YOU

And now the time has come to say how much I do...How much I love you...be beside you through and through. That every moment we spend together, be precious moments that will last the end of time. So take my hand and walk this road of ups and downs. A million questions we'll find the answers. I want to spend my life just holding you and loving you...

With you, I'll touch the sky. You gave me wings so I can fly...I fly with you. You turn dark skies into blue. I know our love is true. My every morning's not the same if I'm not with you. With you all the dreams come true. All dreams I've been in love with you...with only you.

You start and end this silent pray'r. I know for sure you're there. NOw I know forever's a journey I will take with you...

all about the weather

2006-07-18T08:47:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for more than a week now. I just feel so lazy to think of something to post in here. It's a very good timing to surf the net because I wasn't that busy with work, but I just can't think. I've tried to post something here last Friday but I just ended up staring at the monitor, with no idea in mind.hehehe Last Wednesday, the rain's started to pour so hard, and in the afternoon, classes and work were suspended, that was around 2 pm. Work was resumed by Thursday and Friday, but then, the weather's still the same. Friday, me and my officemates decided to dismiss ourselves early from work to eat out...and by the time we decided to go home, the streets were already flooded.tsk tsk It's already Sunday when the sun finally came out.

I just had a lazy weekend. And right now, I feel so sleepy. The weather is gloomy and it's dark outside. The rain is about to fall down. Hopefully, a memo will be received today...WORK IS SUSPENDED!!!=)

ABC Meaning of Names/Months/Signs

2006-07-03T14:37:00.000+08:00

I got this from a friend through email...and I want to share it with you. Some of the interpretations speak a lot of me. This is quite interesting. Read on.

MY NAME STARTS WITH R:

R:You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

(Quite true. I always want the BEST..."puwede na 'yan" is not enough for me. A perfectionist person, I must say, though I know that nobody's perfect. A very open person and very romantic one...(wink))

I WAS BORN ON THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER:

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas, Difficult to fathom, Thinks forward, Unique and brilliant, Extraordinary ideas, Sharp thinking, Fine and strong clairvoyance, Can become good doctors, Careful and cautious, Dynamic in personality, Secretive, Inquisitive, Knows how to dig secrets, Always thinking, Less talkative but amiable, Brave and generous, Patient, Stubborn and hard-hearted, If there is a will, there is a way, Determined, Never give up, Hardly become angry unless provoked, Loves to be alone, Thinks differently from others, Sharp-minded, Motivates oneself, Does not appreciates praises, High-spirited, Well-built and tough, Deep love and emotions, Romantic, Uncertain in relationships, Hardworking, High abilities, Trustworthy, Honest and keeps secrets, Not able to control emotions, Unpredictable.

(Some of them are true, some aren't. I'm not a hard-hearted person but I can be stubborn at times...just don't provoke me.)

I WAS BORN ON THE 5TH OF NOVEMBER...A SCORPION:

Scorpio

Turn ons: Scorpions are full of passion and zest for life. They have tremendous drive that can involve you too. Tune in to their wavelength and you can enjoy the harmony and music in life with them. Scorpions are loyal and never forget a kind deed done by you. If you want to enjoy life with your Scorpio lover share their passion and intensity and you will be fascinated by how beautiful life can be with them.

Turn offs: Scorpions are very passionate and intense but they are also fiercely possessive and would like to possess your mind, body and soul. Do not let seeds of jealousy grow in them because then you may have to suffer agonies of jealousy and discontentment in life. Scorpio`s have explosive tempers be careful how you handle them. They never let anyone know what is going on in their mind till they strike and you may be caught unawares. Do not flirt around in the presence of your Scorpio lover.

(TRUE. ROMANTIC...THEY GIVE EVERYTHING IN THE NAME OF LOVE!!!)

Life!!!

2006-06-29T10:48:00.000+08:00

I’m beginning to revive my long lost social life once again. I’ve started going out with my friends after “God-knows-how-long” for almost 3 weeks now. And I’m enjoying it!!! Actually, this is for the reason that I want to have some time for myself ‘coz I feel I’m losing myself with all the changes and all that’s been going on with my life. I’m just being fair with myself, for I’ve been through a lot of hurts and pains, guess it’s just time for me to reward myself by going out.

---

With all these things, I’ve confirmed that life doesn’t really go the way I want it to be. I have to risk, try and anticipate pains. I have to sacrifice and try harder. Though it wasn’t a bad thing that I’ve tried and risked, even if a lot of my principles and beliefs in life were somehow altered, they were changed in a good way…all because of loving him.

---

I miss him so bad. So bad that it manifests itself as a physical pain…like I wanted to scream, though I try hard to restrain from doing so. I never realized that I could ever feel such pain. An excruciating pain…Nevertheless, I know this is all about risking and I’m going to do everything and anything possible to make everything happen…the way I want it to be.

----

Distance is really keeping us apart. We don’t often communicate because I know he’s busy and so do I, but nothing has changed. It’s still him that I love. I just came to value the depth of these silences. I just know he’s aware of how I feel, but chose to tolerate and ignore it because of the reason that only him knows.

---

Not a single moment passed that he’s gotten off my mind…I’m just here…loving…waiting…

Spending a day for being "kikay"

2006-06-28T13:39:00.000+08:00

Me and my best bud Ana..being impulsive as ever have decided to spend the day yesterday pampering ourselves..."kikay" time.

We've been planning for this for quite a while, but our sked won't meet. Fortunately, natuloy na rin sa wakas.=) We've dismissed ourselves early from work yesterday...and at 3 p.m., we're already finished with our work. We headed straight to City Shuttle for our tutorial. It's been a while since we've played badminton, like 2 months or so.That's the reason why I'm having body aches today..damn!!! =) But it's still okay, 'coz I really missed playing the game.

At around 5:30, we're already finished playing. We decided to go to the mall for an ink refill. Our stomachs were already growling by this time, we headed to Burger King for a fill. We were so starved that we ordered like there will never be tomorrow.hahaha

7:15: Time for being kikay...we went to Let's Face It for our facial. Time for "ouches" here and there. Nevertheless, despite the pain during facial sessions, it's still worth it, right.

We finished what we had on our agenda at exactly 9 p.m. Too long for a day, but everything is all worth it...we had the time to bond, relax and feel beautiful.

Still lookin' forward for another kikay session with Ana once again.=)

damn!

2006-06-22T08:42:00.000+08:00

Damn!!! I don’t know if I’m being too harsh on myself that even if I truly know that I’ll get hurt, I still keep on reading all those testimonials. While I’m reading them, I can’t help but feel a pain in my heart…wishing that maybe someday I could also say those words to him. Those people have became in one way or another a part of his life, that’s why there were a lot of things to say. I, myself also has a lot of things to say about him, but he wouldn’t let me or maybe, he doesn’t just want others to know that I likewise has a thing or two to say about him. Guess I’m being vicious to myself…

This morning, an officemate put me on a bad mood. While I was so busy signing papers and printing my reports, he’s also busy chatting with a colleague when there are a lot of things to do in the receiving section where he’s based…damn (again). I never uttered even a single word, I just kept on doing my work and I don’t care if a lot of people are already waiting in the receiving area…that’s not part of my work…and I intend not to do his job…he’s being paid for it anyway. Before, even if it’s not a part of my job, I do their work when I’m not doing anything. But I felt and observed that I was being taken for granted. While my head is bent down on my work and likewise doing their work, where are they? Chit chats here and there, coffee breaks when it’s not yet time and yosi breaks. Damn!!! (for the 3^rd time)

What a day?!!!!

One-Liner

2006-06-08T09:04:00.000+08:00

1. GIve God what's right...not what's left.

2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end...God's way leads to an endless hope.

3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma...but never let him be the period.

6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

7. Are you wriknled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.

8. When praying, don't give God instructions...just report for duty.

9. We don't change God's message...His message changes us.

10. The church is prayer conditioned.

11. When God ordains, He sustains.

12. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

13. Plan ahead...it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

SOURCE: The CARP Link

14. PRAYERS can move mountains. (SOURCE: amiar) =)

Vinci

2006-06-07T10:23:00.000+08:00

Dachshund Vinci (with Mika, my niece)

"Hey dude, what are you lookin' at?"

Nice Tuesday

2006-06-06T10:06:00.000+08:00

I woke up at the good side of the bed today. I woke up early, 5:15 am, and played with Vinci, my dachshund.Then, I went to work early today...finished all the things I've got to accomplish. At past nine, I was already free from work and decided to go on line to check on my email. When I logged-in, got an invite to join V's friends' list in ym. The good thing is, he's currently on-line and was able to chat with him, though he's busy installing some applications on his pc. Nevertheless, ayos na din...NICE TUESDAY!!!

On being happy

2006-06-02T13:57:00.000+08:00

I'm HAPPY...and no one can spoil the happiness I have right now.=)

thanks God it's FRiday...that means lots of sleep...i can sleep the whole day and just spend the day being a couch potato.

I've kept in touch once again with a special person...that's the reason why I'm happy right now.

Hello...I'm back...after a "million" years =)

2006-06-01T14:31:00.000+08:00

Been a long time since I've been here and it's just today that I had the time to post...after a long, long while.

I've been very busy these past few months, a lot of things happened and I'd like to share some of them with you here.

April 15, that's Black saturday, when a special friend of mine went abroad to work. On the other hand, by Monday, April 18, my best, best friend also left me to work in Singapore. Tsk tsk...I was so sad because I've lost 2 very special persons in my life...no, not really loosing them, but imagine, the distance between us...it's really killing me. I do miss them so much and whenever I think of them, I can't help but to wish that they're here with me. Nevertheless, i'm still proud and happy for them, because I know they're just going away for their future...hirap buhay dito sa 'Pinas kasi, eh...=(

----

When the month of May started, I've been very busy with my work. At least, it's quite an advantage for me, because somehow I can divert my loneliness of being away with people close to me.

With regards to my work, another work load have been added...monitoring and likewise working as one of the officers in our newly organized association. So much that I've really wanted to become part of this organization, sometimes I can't help but to feel that I wanted to give up already. With all the pressures we've been through and going through each day, I go home past office hours, I've already neglected my "social" life. But I guess, in order for me to work out my agenda, I have to "sacrifice" a little more. With the guidance of my bosses, I can proudly say that I'm giving all the best that I can give...more than they've expected. My boss have given me his full trust and support, and the only way I could bring back all the support and trust he's given me, I've to do my best. So much is expected from me, and I don't want to disappoint them. All i need right now is a lot of patience, patience and patience still. I admit that I lack lots of it, but I badly need it right now.

---

Last night, me and my best friend in Singapore have been texting each other. Gosh, how I really missed her company, that I even promised to visit her this year. Can't help but to get emotional pa rin...hehehe Pero sana nga, we'll be given the chance to get together even for a short while lang....my fingers are crossed.

---

To sum up my feelings for today...I feel tired (with all the meetings and monitoring + monthly/daily inventories, reports, analysis and endless discussions), I'm missing them (V and Reah), I want to go home na...waah!!!!

Happy Mothers' Day!!!

2006-05-14T09:44:00.000+08:00

I want to sincerely thank all the moms of the special people in my life (you know who you are), because if not for their moms, meeting these wonderful people wouldn’t be possible because they won’t be here in this world without them. These wonderful people who’ve accepted me for what I am and for what I can’t be…for showing me unconditional love…for the care and support they’ve given me. Some of them I don’t often see and be with, but I know that the true essence of friendship is seen when friends don’t see each other nor see and be with each other that often, but will always be there no matter what. Just the thought that they care is already enough.

Their moms are all special to me…HAPPY MOTHERS’ Day!

-----

As for my mom, Mothers’ Day or not, everyday will always be special between us. I thank you for everything…for the care and sacrifices…for bringing me into this world. Thank you for the patience and understanding. Happy Mothers' Day...love you, Mama!!!

My Life's ABC

2006-04-19T09:34:00.000+08:00

A-loof. I may look like it, but try to get to know me better and you’ll find out the REAl me.

B-adminton. My favorite sport.

C-heese. I love eat any food with cheese on it…yum!!!

D-uhat. Sarap, eh. =)

E-llen. My college buddy.

F-lowerhorn. I’ve a pet named Thunder.

G-od. The center of my life, my strength, my light and my hope.

H-ash browns. Yum, yum.

I-ndependent. (sometimes..hehe)

J-oey Benin (Side A). My ultimate crush.

K-ulasa. I’m a true blue kulasa…imagine spending almost half of my life @ SSA, from kindergarten–high school.

L-ove. I always believe in it.

M-usic. Can’t survive without it.

N-ovember. My birth month.

O-utspoken. I’m frank, undisguised, but not to the point of hurting someone’s feelings.

P-atience. I lack this most of the time. P-aranoid. I hate this attitude, but I’m trying to work out this one though.

Q-uality. In choosing friends, I’m after the quality, not the quantity. It’s hard to find TRUE friends nowadays, so I guess, we have to cherish and love our TRUE friends.

R-eah. My best friend.

S-corpio. My zodiac sign. We, Scorpions are known to be moody, sensitive and most of all, passionate and emotional especially when it deals about the matters of the heart.

T-attooed on my Mind. A favorite song, and I dedicate this one to you-know-who-you-are.=)

U-ndisguised. For real…what you see is what you get…

V-_ _. A very special person in my life…the source of my happiness and inspiration.

W-eird. Am I? Maybe…=)

X-traordinary. That’s how I describe myself in general.

Y-uletide season. My favorite time of the year.

Z-oo. Where me and Mamu had a great time goofing around while we’re “fungi hunting” as our project in Microbiology Lab., way back in college.

I'll miss you...

2006-04-18T15:36:00.000+08:00

Saturday, April 15, 2006: The day of V's departure to work abroad. I'll surely miss him. It's killing me but I have to accept it...because what I want is for him to be happy. He promised to keep in touch. I told him that no matter what happens, I will always be here for him, that he should take good care of himself and call on Him everyday for guidance. He will always be included in my prayers. I'll wait for him kahit anong mangyari. Sana August na.hehe

he's going away...

2006-04-07T10:27:00.000+08:00

I don't know how am I going to handle what's going to happen now that V is about to leave. He's going abroad for work, and he'll be leaving later this week. When I first heard the news from him, I was so shocked that I ended up crying. I've cried not because I wasn't happy about him. Hell no, I'll be the last person if ever. I'm proud and happy for him because I know he's happy with his decision and he's just thinking of his future, hirap nga naman ng kasi ng buhay sa 'Pinas. I cried because I'll surely miss him...

Since then, I have been crying every night...the time when I was just alone. I keep on thinking on what's going to happen. Nevertheless, I have to let him go if I really love him. I told him through SMS: "Bakit yata lagi akong iniiwan...my bestfriend also left me to work in Dubai, my guy bestfriend's settled now in the US for good...pati ba naman ikaw?" He replied: "Di naman permanent yun." Yes, I know, but a year is a year, 2 years is 2 years. I'm aware that time flies so fast, but the thought of waking up each day knowing he's not here is pure torture.

I know he'll come back, I know how close he is to his mom, as well as to his nephew and niece. But while waiting for him to come back, it seems like forever. And whenever I think of him going away once again, I can't help but cry. It's barely a year since I've found him after 9 years, (April 29, 2005, if I'm not mistaken), and now he's leaving me once again.

But then, I know that there are reasons, because in everything that's happening to us, whether good or bad, the Lord always has a reason for everything, and now, I just entrust everything to Him.

There are only two things that I want in him right now: one, to stay in touch with me even if we're miles away from each other; two, to take care of himself and always call on to Him for guidance and more blessings.

I'll surely miss you, V. I don't know how am I going to get through missing you, but I'll try my best to just always remember the laughters we've shared, as if you're just near me. In time, I'll get used to it somehow. I will never forget the laughters, the mood swings, the praning days, the wacky ideas, because these memories will keep me going each and everyday until you come back. Take care of yourself. Please promise me that you'll keep in touch with me always...don't forget to call on Him everyday. You're always and will always be included in my prayers. =)

happy birthday to a very special person...

2006-03-23T13:11:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you...!!!

I wish you all the very BEST in life...many, many more birthdays to come...stay happy always and God Bless!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VAL!!!

Afraid and Confused

2006-03-13T10:50:00.000+08:00

I'm so confused...my heart keeps on telling me to always believe in what i feel...but my mind is telling me otherwise. I don't know how am I going to handle this...I want to ask him and yet a part of me is afraid to hear any of his answers. Afraid that I might not be able to accept any of his answers...afraid to be shunned once again for the nth time. Afraid that I might loose him upon hearing all his answers. If there's one thing I fear in my life, that is loosing him. I don't want that to happen....

Flu, Glenn and V

2006-03-06T11:56:00.000+08:00

Thanks God, I woke up today feeling a little bit better compared yesterday and the day before yesterday. I was burning with fever last Saturday...my knees were so weak that I coldn't bear to stand, my whole body's aching, i was chilling, i've got colds and a headache. Good thing I was able to really rest the whole weekend.

Last Friday, I wasn't feeling well anymore, but I was able to divert it, because: 1.) i was able to chat with my best guy friend, Glenn over YM...wasn't able to get in touch with him for quite a while. He used to be my confidante way back our senior year in college...during our internship at VMMC. Though we came from different universities, that didn't become a hindrance for our friendship to blossom. Maybe because we were both from Pampanga...and we have a lot of things in common that why we easily clicked as friends. With him, I could be whatever i want to be, we could laugh all day even if our tummies are already aching.=) He's my shoulder to cry on, my adviser and my katsismisan, kahit na lagi niya kong inaasar. sigh...i miss glenntot!!! =)

Good news about him, he's already a daddy!!! His wife just recently gave birth to a cute baby boy whom they named Emanuel. CONGRATS!!!! I was able to see Eman through webcam, and I could say he's really cute...buti di nagmana sa daddy.hahahah lolz Glenn, hopefully, you'll have the time to come back here in the Philippines kahit sandali lang...all our friends really missed you, sige na nga, including me na rin.heheh

2.) Even if I wasn't feeling well already last Friday, I was still able to go to the mall with Ana. No particular thing in mind on what to buy, just window shopping. =) but Ana ended up buying a perfume instead, the same perfume I just bought 2 weeks ago.

Saturday: The day when V left the Philippines to spend some weeks with his brother abroad. Miss ko na text niya.hehehe

I'll miss V

2006-03-03T15:31:00.000+08:00

V, I'll surely miss you!!!

Always take care of yourself...I know that God will always be with you...Have fun!!! =)

but...

2006-02-27T09:15:00.000+08:00

...goodbye doesn't mean forever

...in loving someone, patience is all that matters

...sometimes we tend to forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift...and that it can be made to grow by giving it away

...love has its own time, its own seasons and its own reasons for coming and going

...don't deny love just only you don't want to be hurt

How????

2006-02-24T10:38:00.000+08:00

...how do you heal a broken heart that feels like it will never be this much again? I just can't let go. How do you heal a broken heart that feels like it will never love this much again? Tonight I hope it could be right. Tomorrow I'll pretend...

True...i'll never ever love this way and this much again...

4U: U Should Know by Now...

2006-02-24T08:30:00.000+08:00

There is nothing more in this life I long for than the yearning to be with you each passing moment and the remaining fragment of my life...

Parable of the Cross (by: Sen. Juan Flavier)

2006-02-21T09:48:00.000+08:00

I was able to read this parable from the official paper of DLR, where my sister is working. It really caught my attention and made me realize that I'm still lucky compared to other people who've been carrying big loads or crosses on their shoulders. Read on.

The farmer had a series of misfortunes in fairly close succession. He was uttterly dejected and filled with self-pity. He truly felt like it was the end of the world for he could no longer bear the heaviness in his heart and mind.

It started with the loss of his work animal-one of the best carabaos in the barrio and the envy of many farmers. The carabao-nappers even added insult to injury for the animal was never sold as a prime beast for farming. Instead it was ruthlessly and recklessly butchered. But the thieves only got the thighs. The body was left to decay and was eventually found due to the foul smell-a fate more befitting useless and sick carabaos.

This caused the farmer's yield in his rice farm to dwindle drastically as he had to make do by borrowing carabaos from other farmers. To top it off, a bad drought completely wiped out his already meager crop.

At midyear, his only son was caught in possession of prohibited drugs. The boy was alsom confirmed to be a drug dependent.

His daughter eloped with the son of his archenemy. "Anyone except that family," he moaned to himself.

And as if to inflict the unkindest cost of all, his wife ran away with the town policeman.

The man knelt in quiet desperation and prayed in his small nipa hut. "LOrd, I have had it. I cannot take it anymore. This is just too much for me. I can no longer carry my cross."

A blinding light blazed upon the farmer and a kindly voice boomed. "I understand how you feel, my son. If you cannot bear your cross anymore, then come enter the room of crosses and select one whose weight you feel you can bear."

Immediately the farmer saw a door open before him. He dutifully entered the brightly lit room and left his cross by the door. He saw before him all sorts of bulky crosses-all much bigger and heavier than his. There was a bloodied cross which towered so high he could not discern its top. One after another, he tried but could barely lift the crosses.

Finally, he saw a small cross, which appeared manageable. He heaved it upon his shoulders where it rested comfortably. "Lord, I like this one," the farmer announced.

"THAT IS THE VERY SAME CROSS YOU BROUGHT IN, MY SON. Take it and go in peace," said the Lord.

NOw, it's time for you to reflect. If you feel that you've been carrying a very big load on your shoulders...think again. Other people might have been carrying a much more heavy load than yours. Don't give up, just leave everything to the Lord...there are still lots of things to be thankful for.=)

Finding my way home

2006-02-17T12:25:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine sent me this message last February 14...

"Love is a long journey, but it will always take you to where you really belong. When your heart finally found the right person..the feeling of contentment...you can already say that your heart has finally found its way HOME."

This is true. It happened to me...I've met a lot of guys along the way, each of them has their own different personalities I've loved, but my heart cannot find the contentment...it keeps on seeking for someone. Someone I cannot pinpoint who he really was at that time. And it happened..I just felt it...and now my heart has finally found its way HOME.

Happy Hearts' Day

2006-02-14T08:42:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I hope all of us will enjoy this very special day...single or committed...for as long as our hearts continue on loving...everyday will always be Hearts' Day.

---

Thanks so much Yelle for the comfort you gave me especially yesterday na napapraning na naman ako. I may admit that matigas talaga ulo ko, kahit na anong advices pa bigay mo sa'kin, ako at ako pa rin ang masusunod. Even if I'm crying na with all the pains I have in my heart, I still keep on loving him and I know I'll be loving him forever. Thanks for the concern, for the care, for the sermon..for being my shoulder to cry on...for being my friend.

---

FOR V:

Thanks so much for the inspirations, for the changes you've made in my life. No one can ever replace you here in my heart and I'll never love this way again. You're the reason why I still believe in love...

Reminiscing, Hearts' Day and Him

2006-02-13T10:22:00.000+08:00

I've decided to go on a hiatus for a while...to think of things that have happened. I'll try to find answers to all the questions spinning 'round my head. I'm even forcing myself not to communicate with him for a while, but I just can't....ang hirap talaga...I'm missing him, everyday, every minute, every second. sigh.

----

My Pre-school to high school Alma Mater had its Foundation Day and the celebration started last February 10 and ended up yesterday. I went there yesterday to watch my nephew in their field demonstration, and I really felt good going back here once again. Many changes, including the trees (with heart shaped leaves) that once became a witness of my childhood days (e.g. crushes, spin the bottle game, etc.). Those trees that once become our shade while spending time with friends and playing spin the bottle with our crushes. Those trees that once witnessed how me and my friend Riza shed tears of our very first heartaches. Those trees that once saw me how happy I was whenever 3:45 pm comes in.

----

Just a day left before Valentine's Day...I can already feel that love is in the air, with all the heart shaped things I see everywhere, from malls to convenient stores. And tv specials featuring different ways to spend Valentine with loved ones, from flowers to fancy restos. Love songs are playing in the airwaves and I can't help but to feel a little bit nostalgic.heheh Can't blame me, I'm such a hopeless romantic person.hehe Anyway, don't have any plans for tomorrow, considering that I was having a little problem with him. Actually, all's well, but I don't want to prod him about our recent status. I just decided to give myself a rebirth...even decided to become a little bit stoic...to lessen the pains I'm going through and will go through in the process.

----

Last night, we had a slightly long conversation over SMS. And I have to admit that I was really so thankful and happy...he's back to his own self once again...funny as always and he made me smile once again. I just hope that everything's gonna be okay...(with fingers crossed). Oh God, how I really missed him...his funny thoughts, his goodnights, everything about him.

Hmmmm....

2006-02-08T08:52:00.000+08:00

There's only a thing I can assure you...SURELY THERE WILL BE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO WILL WALK IN AND OUT OF YOUR HEART, BUT NO ONE CAN EVER LOVE YOU THE WAY I DO. And by then, I hope you'll soon realize my worth...

Shunned (again?)...for the 4th time

2006-02-06T08:27:00.000+08:00

I wanna cry...I want to hate myself...I want to shout...and say bad words...I was shunned again for the 4th time.

When will this gonna end and make me feel good about myself once again. I'm doing almost everything...but he's still a stoic person...as hard as a stone, even harder I guess. ='(

You know what you're doing to me? You're making me more determined to show you that I'm not gonna give you up. Even if I'm making a fool out of myself, nothing will change about me. With all the pains you're causing me, I became harder this time...I'm not gonna cry anymore, although it really hurts. I'll try to become more stronger for you. I assure you, no one can ever love you the way I do...you'll see.

Kahit ano...

2006-02-02T10:26:00.000+08:00

On the lighter side, I want to thank M for the white chocolates she bought me last Saturday. We went out after almost a year of not spending time with each other. We caught up with each other's lives and I really enjoyed her company. We even thought of doing this once in a while and made a pact that we will go out as often as possible. By the way, M's my grade school and high school friend.

-----

Yesterday, I went to the pet shop where I buy my fish stuffs to buy some pellets for my flower horn Thunder. As I was waiting for the cashier to hand me my change, I took a look at the fishes being sold and I was surprised to see that the equivalent cost of Thunder ranges from P3000-4,500!!! Whew!!! I only bought him for less than a thousand pesos. He was just small at that time, and now he's already a "grown-up". Hehehe I walked out of the pet shop with a big grin on my face and I my affection for Thunder even grew more. Thunder may be pricey, but the fulfillment I feel in taking care of him is incalculable.

(Pictures of Thunder...to follow...promise!!!)

I feel sappy today...

2006-01-25T09:10:00.000+08:00

The weather is cold and rainy, it's very difficult to get up from bed and prepare for work today so I ended up coming in late. Not much work to do today since I've already finished doing all the reports yesterday so as not to have much work today. hehe

Anyway since it's raining outside and it's cold in here, the day is so boring and nothing to do, with maudlin music around me, can't really help but to think of him...I guess I just miss him. I do hope he also feels the same way.ahihihi (I'm blushing once again...hahaha)

Blushing

2006-01-25T08:37:00.000+08:00

Last night I've found out that I still know how to BLUSH!!!

An Open Letter

2006-01-19T09:59:00.000+08:00

An open letter to JRFV...

Dear _ _ _,

No words can explain how much I thank the Lord for letting me find you after 9 years. As much as I can remember, the last time I saw you was during our High School graduation, April 01, 1996. I saw a glimpse of you near the stage when I was walking down the stage after I got my diploma, but unfortunately, we weren't able to talk. My heart suddenly jumped out and I couldn' t explain the feelings I had at that time. I just shrugged off whatever feelings I had for I know that the reason you were there was not because of me but because of another person.

As soon as I entered college, I thought I'll forget you, for I'll be meeting a lot of people and who knows that maybe I'll find the person who can take your place inside my heart, people who will be more special and extra ordinary than you. I was wrong, albeit I've met a lot of them, not a single soul can ever replace you here in my heart. There was an emptiness...no contentment...my heart is longing for that someone to fill the space inside my heart...and only YOU can do that.

Now that I found you, my life became colorful once again...it was placed in the proper perspective...all because of YOU. I know that the Lord has His own reasons for letting our paths crossed once again. Heaven knows how much I love you.

Thank you for coming into my life, for the changes you've made, for the inspirations, for accepting me into your life, for the things I've learned and will still learn from you...I LOVE YOU!!!

LOTS OF LOVE,

RAIMS

Colds+Tons of Work+Love Song=ME

2006-01-12T10:16:00.000+08:00

I haven't been feeling well since yesterday. But I wasn't able to use it as an excuse from work. sigh. I've been busy since the year started, sorting out files and other stuffs, and maybe those are some of the reasons on why I caught this cold virus once again, aside from the very cold weather we're having recently. My head really aches and I've been sneezing from time to time. Until now I'm not yet well...sigh.

My pc's not also fine. Maybe the problem is the monitor I'm using, which also added to the headache I'm feeling. Maybe, this is not a good day for me, but hopefully this afternoon and the next day and the next and so on will be just fine.

I've been listening to this song...and I really like it: "FOR ALL MY LIFE, YOU ARE THE ONE I WILL LOVE YOU FAITHFULLY FOREVER, YOU ARE THE ONE I'LL GIVE TO YOU MY GREATEST LOVE..." And I dedicate this song to you-know-who. =) I love him so much!!!

Busy, Tired...and yet I'm Happy

2006-01-09T10:12:00.000+08:00

Haven't been here for almost a week now. It isn't because I'm lazy to go online, but I was just too busy. It?s always like this, during the first few weeks of the year, updating files, doing my annual reports and preparing for the yearly inspection. And the hardest part of this inspection is that it is a "surprise" one. No particular date and time, inspectors will just pop out like mushrooms in front of us. So that leaves us no choice but to always be prepared and act with utmost care. I was already preparing and updating our administrative and technical manual since last week of December last year, but I just finished doing all these last Thursday. I've got no time to stand up and stretch a little because I'm too tied up in front of my monitor and doing all these goddamn stuffs.

This week hopefully will not be that hectic the previous week was. The accreditation inspectors haven't "visited" us yet, so the atmosphere around me is still tensed and pressured. Nonetheless, no one can spoil my good mood for today and maybe for the rest of the week, hopefully.

It's too cold especially in the morning and I really used up almost the whole weekend sleeping, since I had a very hectic weekdays. I just deserve to pamper myself through sleeping.

I'm INSPIRED. And I was so blissful with the concern he's given me these past few days. The Lord is really good.

I just heard this quotation few days ago...and I could say that it is in fact TRUE. It's in Tagalog, and so as not to alter its real thought, I have to put it here in its original form. Here goes: "Lumuluhod o lumalapit ka pa lang papunta sa Kanya, alam na Niya kung ano ang nasa puso mo..."

The Lord truly knows what's inside my heart...

People who've touched my Life (Thank You)

2006-01-03T10:50:00.000+08:00

"HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!"

I want to wish everybody PEACE & PROSPERITY all throughout the year

This is my first post this 2006, so I really want it to be special and I have to start it by thanking all those people who have touched my life the past year (2005).

My first on the list is my FAMILY. They've never left me, kept on supporting me. Though we can never avoid having some problems, I'm so thankful that we were able to surpass them, in God's grace and guidance. Thank you to my mom, for the understanding and for taking care of my needs. To my sister, for the advices she'd given me, especially with regards to matters of the heart. To my nephews and nieces, for the laughters we've shared and for making me feel like a kid once in a while.

Thank you so much to the following special persons in my life: (in no particular order;-))

REAH:

Thanks for being my BEST FRIEND. We may not get to be with each other everyday, neither meet nor get to talk as often as we want to, but the warmth of our friendship never ceases. Thank you for always being here with me, especially at times when I feel down and needed someone to lean on. I love you, Mamu!!!

ELLEN:

Thank you for the laughters we've shared, for lending your ears when I needed someone to listen to my jokes, to my whinings and even to my senseless blahs and other stuffs.hehehe Likewise, for being open to me, I really do appreciate your openness.

ANNA:

My thank you to my friend, Anna, not just a friend to me, but also my sister, my confidante, my mare, colleague and my badminton partner. We've shared a lot, and I'm so thankful for giving ourselves the chance to get to know each other and establish this beautiful friendship we have right now. Likewise, for the advices you've given me, for listening to me and for the encouragements. Cheers, Gu!!!

BROTHER BEAR:

My office pal, for not just being one but for being like a brother to me, hence the name Brother Bear.hehehe Thank you for the patience, for keeping up with my moods and for the advices you've given me with regards to my family and lovelife.

ALLEN, AL PAUL & GLENN:

Thank you for the unending friendship we've established since our college days. Thank you, guys!!!

SHELLA:

Tsuk!!! My friend since our internship, until now. Thanks for just being here and hopefully, we'll get to go out soon.

RIZALYNN AND KATRINA

Thanks so much for the unending friendship. Though we're miles apart from each other, but our communication is still there and the friendship we've had since our grade school years is still there. Now I know that distance can never be a hindrance in keeping our friendship alive and burning. FRIENDS FOREVER!!!

EIJIE:

Thanks a lot for being an instrument in finding someone whom I've lost touch for nine (9) years. If not for you, I guess finding him will be impossible. Million thanks to you, Jie!!!

VAL:

No words can express how much I thank the Lord for giving me the chance to find you once again after 9 years. You just don't know how beautiful you've made my life since then. I thought I'm not going to find you anymore, but God is so good that He's given you to me once again. I know that everything happens for a reason, the reason that only the Lord knows, that's why I entrust everything to Him, whatever comes between us.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, VAL, for making my life worthy of living.

My strength, Our LORD ALMIGHTY

Thank you Lord, for giving me all these special people in my life. I feel so blessed having them in my life and I'm asking you to always guide them and give them and their families the blessings they truly deserve. Continue showering us Your blessings as we continue spreading Your Word and as we keep our faith in You.

Reflections

2005-12-28T13:14:00.000+08:00

I'm back in the world of blogging once again, after a few days of not posting anything in here. I had a very busy week, busy and yet happy Christmas. I can't think of anything sensible to post since yesterday, got a disorganized thought I guess, even my mind had a short vacation that it couldn't function that well.hehe

  Anyway, just a few days left before 2006 comes and I couldn't help but to reflect on everything that's happened to me this year, and what's in store for me this coming year. It was not a very good year for me when it comes to the financial aspect and I think most of you will also say the same thing; nevertheless, it was also an excellent 2005 on me on the other hand when it comes to other aspects. (*wink, *wink)

   Usually when New Year comes, people make their resolutions. But on my part, I don't usually do that, because I always end up not doing them after all. So I decided not to make any resolutions...just reflect on what my life was the past year and come what may if I'll be able to change those negative attitudes, albeit I'll try my very best to work on them.

    Hopefully, the year that will come will be prosperous for all of us, that our economy will soon progress...no more oil price hikes and other related stuffs. And as for myself, I'm wishing my family good health, and that whatever obstacles will come our way will be surpassed. I'm also praying that the Lord will give the desire of my heart, which I have longed to have for such a long time. He knows what it is and I entrust everything to Him.

   I thank Him for all the blessings He's showered me all these years and for giving me the chance to finally find the person whom I've longed to find all these years and the same person who've made a difference in me.

Happy Birthday Mamu!!!

2005-12-22T09:23:00.000+08:00

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I'm wishing you all the very BEST in life...whatever happens, I will always be here for you. Wherever we are or however long we haven't seen or spoken to each other, our friendship is so intact that neither time nor space can affect it. We've been through a lot, and look at us now, the friendship we've established cannot be broken nor destroyed by anyone . The memories we've had and kept in our hearts until now, since day 1, the day we've met will always be treasured and cherished for the rest of my life. No words can't describe how grateful I am for having such a person like you in my life. I love you and bestfriends forever!!!

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

My weekend

2005-12-21T11:25:00.000+08:00

I had a busy weekend. I was dead tired that I dragged myself to get up from bed last Monday to go to work. I was so exhausted; I guess I've lost all the Energy I've been saving for the past weeks.

FRIDAY:

I went home early from work to fetch my nephew and meet my sister (his mom) at the mall afterwards. We're buying him clothes and shoes to wear for Christmas. When we're already there, we've been greeted by a lot of people doing their last minute shopping. I felt suffocated...I easily get annoyed with people pushing me every now and then while I'm looking for something to buy.

I haven't seen anything interesting to buy, so I left my sister and nephew and asked them to just meet at the food court. While I was waiting for them, I bought something to drink and to munch on.

I thought of sending him an SMS because I know he's going home from work at that time. But then, when he replied, he told me that he couldn't make it on Saturday. I don't know how to react at first, so I opted not reply. And after gathering all the strength I need, conceded and told him it's okay. Here's the SMS I've sent him: ?K. Stryk 2.? I wanted to cry right at that moment, I've felt rejected. It wasn't the first time that he's put off an important event in my life, but twice. First, when I asked him to be with me on the eve of my birthday, and now, rejected na naman ako.

I know he's got reasons. But something in me is not completely convinced...parang feeling ko iniiwasan niya ako and I'm hurting so much. I want to be with him, but what hurts is the thought that he doesn't want to be with me. I prefer if he would just tell me, albeit I know it will be painful, but I'll try my best to understand him.

SATURDAY:

Side A Christmas concert at Party Place!!! The concert started at 11 p.m., 2 hours late, but it's all worth the wait because I really enjoyed the night singing and dancing with their music. Side A is the BEST!!!

I want to thank all the guys, especially Joey B., for being soooo nice and for putting his best smiles and poses whenever I get his attention for pics.hehe

Thanks Side A for the music, for the inspiration...FOR EVERYTHING!!!

Side A X'mas Concert (12-17-05)

2005-12-19T09:23:00.000+08:00

Joey Benin (Side A's bassist)

Cute talaga niya!!!

Joey B. again

Strike 2

2005-12-19T08:53:00.000+08:00

sigh. sigh. sigh.

I've been shunned for the 2nd time...

Countdown

2005-12-14T09:28:00.000+08:00

3 days before Side A concert @ Partyplace. I'm so excited!!!

2 days before the traditional simbang gabi.

8 days before bestfriend Mamu's birthday. Advance Happy Birthday, Mamu!!!

8 days before Joey Benin's birthday.

8 days before our company's Christmas Party. Hmmm, ano kaya isusuot ko? **thinking**

9 days before our affiliate's Christmas Party. Sorry, can't attend, I'm running out of time, I still need to go to my dentist and do my last minute shopping, eh. =(

1 day before payday. Yeheyyy!!!

It's All About Believing...

2005-12-14T09:17:00.000+08:00

Blogging is my world. It makes me feel good after posting down all my thoughts, or whatsoever in my mind. As what Isabel Colegate quoted, "it is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them."

I have been in a gloomy state these days. Just don't know the rationale on why I was feeling this way. Maybe I just miss him, that's all!

As time goes by, I've realized that I was already giving my ALL. That I should spare something for myself and all other people close to me whom I've unconsciously neglected because of too much thinking of him, including myself, I guess.

Nevertheless, I've no regrets at all. Because in loving someone, sacrifice is all that matters and I can do almost everything (read: everything!) just to have him in my life.

But know what, sometimes I marvel whether he misses me when it's been a while since we've heard from each other? Or did he ever care for me? Or was I ever in his heart after all?

It's just him...only him can tell.

He's been away from me for so long...9 years. I do believe in miracles...all along, I thought I'd never cross paths with him again. But then, it happened...and I've found a missing part of me.

"True love will always have a way of finding its way back, no matter how long it has been gone."

My Memories with Mamu (Part 2)

2005-12-14T09:04:00.000+08:00

Since me and my bestfriend Mamu have shared a lot of good memories together, I've thought of posting a part two of the previous post I've made about her.

1. Na-"demolish" yung med box niya ni Mang Romy sa loob ng locker. As soon as we received the notice that we already need to vacate our lockers kasi patapos na ang sem, inalis ko na lahat ng things ko sa locker, pero siya hindi pa niya trip alisin, hinayaan lang niya. Until one morning, pagdating niya, wala na gamit niya.

2. During our Microbiology lab., we were asked to do a research work about different kinds of fungi...we need to look for different species. We decided to go to Luneta and along Roxas Blvd. to search. I was busy digging near the bushes, when all of a sudden, she pinched me so hard. Tas tinuro niya yung old couple on the benches making out. Since we were like kinda tsismosa, we hid behind the bushes and watched them, buti di kami nahuli.hahaha inulan tuloy kami, and we ended up soaking wet and the next day, pareho kaming nilalagnat.

3. The "tissue" thing...our kagaguhan sa loob ng Beda, kunwari conduct kami ng survey for our Stat class, pero wag ka, ang main purpose namin is to get phone numbers from cute Bedans.hahaha Success naman, di ba.

4. The "microtome" thing na bibilhin sa "Greenhills".hahaha just to ask for money from my dad panood ng sine and pang-shopping sa greenhills.

5. Swimming sa Clubhouse where I was staying.

6. Tinago namin yung project nina "you-know-who" sa Biostat to get back at them. Di kami nakunsensiya kasi bad naman talaga sila.

7. Nung nag-date sila ni Glenn, as usual dakilang matchmaker na naman ako.hehe Ginabi sila so I was really, really worried kasi her mom might get mad at me for doing such thing, ayoko namang mawala tiwala niya sa kin. Buti na lang, may pasalubong akong pizza from them.

8. Lola niya si Diony at si Hukluban.

9. Di kami pumasok sa English class namin kasi we've heard that "Ms. Lupa" will be giving us a recitation, eh di kami nakaaral.

10. If not for Glenda and Emily na seatmate namin, baka bagsak kami sa Qualitative Chem.

11. Her impersonation of Ms. Delima and Ms. Twanty.

12. Remember, Mamu, nung naging fountain yung kamay ko sa blood, kasi di inalis agad ni Master yung tourniquet pagkatapos niyang alisin yung syringe...ending buong pack ng cotton ang nilagay sa kamay ko matigil lang yung flow ng blood, and hematoma the next day.

13. Habol namin sa ilang major subjects, grabe 1.25 at 1.0. Thanks God, bait ng ibang profs kasi mahilig silang mag-adjust ng grades sa mga naghahabol.

14. Siyempre, di lang naman kalokohan alam namin.hehehe Dami rin kami exempted sa finals...Histo, Math, Filipino, English, Rizal at dami pa iba. ;)

"Why Do I Love You?"

2005-12-13T12:23:00.000+08:00

Why do I love you?

I love you because you make me smile...you make me laugh. I love you because you make me happy.

I love you because we could talk anything and everything under the sun. I love you for the things I've learned and I'll still learn from you. I love you for the funny and hilarious punchlines you always utter to make me feel better.

I love you for the encouragements you've given me especially at times when I feel down. I love you for the soothing words just for me to know that everything's alright.

I love you for always making me feel better and for always putting me in a lighter mood...for always making me feel special and loved.

And I love you for making me feel like this...for giving me the chance to realize that I can love this way and this much for someone...like YOU.

I love you...

A Song 4 Him

2005-12-09T08:37:00.000+08:00

Why Don't You and I (Carlos Santana)

Since the moment I spotted you

Like walking around with little wings on my shoes

My stomach's filled with the butterflies...and it's alright

Bouncing round from cloud to cloud

I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down

If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Everytime I try to talk to you

I get tongue-tied

Turns out everything I say to you

Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together

and take on the world and be together forever

Heads we will and tails we'll try again

So I say why don't you and I hold each other and

fly to the moon and straight on to heaven

Cause without you they're never going to let me in

When's this fever going to break?

I think I've handled more than any man can take

I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around

And it's alright

Bouncing round from cloud to cloud

I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down

If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lied

Everytime I try to talk to you

I get tongue-tied

Turns out everything I say to you

Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together

and take on the world and be together forever

Heads we will and tails we'll try again

So I say why don't you and I hold each other and

fly to the moon and straight on to heaven

Cause without you they're never going to let me in

Bridge:

Slowly I begin to realize this is never going to end

Right about the same time you walk by

And I say 'Oh here we go again'

Everytime I try to talk to you

I get tongue-tied

Turns out everything I say to you

Comes out wrong and never comes out right

So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together

and take on the world and be together forever

Heads we will and tails we'll try again

So I say why don't you and I hold each other and

fly to the moon and straight on to heaven

Cause without you they're never going to let me in

Rebuilding One's Self

2005-12-07T14:51:00.000+08:00

I've been shattered into a million pieces. I'll never know if I can be able to find all the missing pieces and put them back again to places where they should be.

But, like all other broken things, we can never be the same as before. But the Man above is so smart that we were created out of the ordinary, for we are still capable of rebuilding ourselves up and start anew, albeit broken and incomplete.

As always, LIFE is like that and we have to live with it.

Lately, I often blame myself...that maybe I've been asking too much and expecting things more than they should be. I was loosing my patience. I suddenly stopped and I began to evaluate myself.

If the Lord finds me worthy enough for all the things I've been asking Him, that opportunity will just soon come out and will appear right before my eyes. I just have to learn how to wait..be patient enough. And that patience will soon open the doors that were once locked. If it's God's will, so be it...

From now on, I'll try to open my eyes and see the gifts that were hidden from me beofre. I'll learn to appreciate all the blessings given to me...my family, my friends and all the people who care for me.

Aside from learning how it is to be patient, I've realized that there is still hope. I should not loose hope, for life is beautiful and I have to live each day. I need to get up from stumbling and set things straight no matter how hard it is to start with. Nevertheless, everyone has a second chance to prove his or her worth.

...and I'm living with it...proving my worth to someone in my life who's making a very big difference in my life.

"I will not give you up...never will."

Emote, Emote

2005-12-07T10:42:00.000+08:00

"Though I'm in an emotional roller coaster ride, I know that everything will turn out just RIGHT!"

Bad day!!!

2005-12-06T15:02:00.000+08:00

I'm in my bad mood today, too sensitive and quite irritated with what's happening around me.

I can feel that something is wrong. I tried to think of reasons...maybe I've done something wrong...but no matter how much I try to squeeze my mind, I can't find any reason at all. Seems like he's changed, he's not the same as before. I'm not being paranoid, but my heart is telling me that some things are not right.

Gusto ko ng mag-give up. I want to bang my head on the wall so I would wake up from this slumber. I just can't imagine what will happen to me if I'll loose him. Di ko makakayanan.

Miracles

2005-11-29T13:40:00.000+08:00

I always believe in miracles...

Busy, Long Weekend

2005-11-29T09:12:00.000+08:00

Last weekend was a very, very tiring day for me. Since Friday, I've already got lots of things to do for the weekend. I've dismissed myself early from work and went to the mall afterwards to help my sister look for a nice badminton racket for her son. Then, we bought Christmas decors to put on our Christmas tree.

Saturday:

Woke up at 5:15 am to prepare for badminton. We checked the newly opened badminton center near our place. It only took us 5 minutes to get there.=) And I should say that it's a really, really nice place. The floor is made of rubber, and really a cozy place to play. We played there for more than 3 hours.

After playing, we decided to have our breakfast at Mc Donald's and I saw a friend of mine whom I've haven't seen for such a long time...Jones, and I was like really excited to see her once again, because I really missed her company and it's been 3 years since I've last seen her. We talked and I even asked her to join me next time in playing, and she did agree. "Nice to see you again, girl!!!" =)

As soon as I got home, I took a shower and started decorating the house with my sister. Christmas na Christmas na talaga sa bahay!!!hehehe

Sunday:

I woke up late, and in the afternoon, accompanied my nephews at the Spongebob Playland. They really enjoyed being there, including me...it feels good to be a kid once in a while.=)

Monday:

Woke up early once again for badminton, and when I got home, I just took a shower and had my breakfast and slept again. Woke up in the afternoon @ 2pm. Lots of sleep for today...bumabawi talaga.=)

Conversations

2005-11-24T10:53:00.000+08:00

Lately I've no sensible posts that I can think of...my mind's been wandering that I couldn't think properly. What's just clear in my mind right now is to leave this goddamn place and take a time out from work...I just need a month vacation and from there I think everything's gonna be alright. I need a time-out doing all these damn inventories and QCs. I need something to do which is out of mediocrity. Everyday makes me idle, no matter how busy I am signing this and that, computing numbers and other stuffs. This isn't funny anymore.

As for my lovelife....hmmmm. Let me share a bit of my conversation with a friend of mine when we went out a week ago...

R: So, how's he? (pouring a Vodka on our glasses)
ME: As usual! (shrugging my shoulders and played on the ice)
R: (Drinking the vodka) Gaga, ang labo mo!!
ME: O minura mo na naman ako. (I'm not used to drinking any alcoholic drink, so I just played with the glass of vodka, and drank iced tea instead)
R: Di ka na nadala.
ME: No naman. I was just saying na katulad pa rin ng dati, we communicate almost everyday and somehow I know the latest about his life.
R: (lighted dj mix)Ganyan ka kasi pag naiinlove, eh. Bigay-todo, to the point that you don't spare a little love for yourself.
ME: Yeah, when I fall in love, I make sure it's passionate and extraordinary. Wala eh, talagang sobra akong magmahal...bibihira pero matindi pag tinamaan.
R: (drinking another glass of vodka) Why can't you change your ways even a bit pag nainlove ka, you're just making yourself miserable.
ME: (Already on the verge of tears) I'm not making this up. Though it hurts, but I need to sacrifice a bit because I can't afford to loose him. He's different...ibang-iba talaga.
R: (trying to pacify me, gave me a pat on the back) Raims, he doesn't see you the way you want him to see you. You have to know when to stop loving him.
ME: (already crying) I know, I know...
R: I won't tell you to stop, because I know you'll never will. I know you too well. You're the type of person who doesn't easily give up, but please, please, mahalin mo rin ang sarili mo kahit konti man lang...spare a little for yourself.
ME: (still crying) Pucha, hindi kasi ako si _____!
R: No, Raims, past na yun.
ME: Pero I know minahal niya talaga yun...remember the Bakit Labis Kitang Mahal thing??!!! Until now, pag naririnig ko yun, gusto kong sumigaw...nightmare sa kin yun.
R: Present na tayo, kapatid. Shot ka muna para marelax ka.
ME: (took a sip of vodka) I thought tapos na ang lahat...mas matindi pa pala ngayon ang nararamdaman ko...

So, there!!! After our conversation, I kinda had a light feeling. I was thankful that I was able to voice out once again the feelings I have in my heart.

Oh, by the way, I really, really hate that song talaga. Reminds me of something that have happened way back in high school. So whenever I hear that, it's either I turn off the radio or walk out. Though it happened lots of years ago, but I just can't stand listening to that song.

A Bend in the Road

2005-11-23T11:37:00.000+08:00

A Bend in the Road

When we feel that we have nothing left to give
And we are sure that the song has ended,
When our day seems over and the shadows fall
And the darkness of night has descended,
Where can we go to find the strength
To valiantly keep on trying?
Where can we find the hand that will dry
The tears that the heart is crying?
There's but one place to go and that is to God,
And dropping all pretense and pride,
We can pour out our problems without restraint
And gain strength with him by our side.
And together we stand at life's crossroads
And we view what we think is the end,
But God has a much bigger vision,
And he tells us it's only a bend,
For the road goes on and is smoother,
And the pause in the song is a rest,
And the part that's unsung and unfinished
Is the sweetest and richest and best.
So rest and relax and grow stronger
Let go and let God share your load.
Your work is not finished nor ended
You've just come to a bend in the road.

(Helen Steiner Rice)

I'm already tired...(a wake-up call)

2005-11-17T10:50:00.000+08:00

I’m starting to pity myself since last night. Seems like I’ve been taken for granted by people around me. They're not even aware that they’re already hurting me. They tend to be insensitive on whatever feelings I have. Lots of excuses that I always end up understanding over and over again. I haven’t learned my lesson after all.

I’ve started asking myself all the “whys”. Why am I letting them hurt me when I deserve to be cared and loved? Why do I keep pushing myself to people who doesn’t appreciate the things I’m doing for them?

There’s only one answer to all those questions…I just don’t want to give them up so easily, and I’m still hoping that sooner or later, they will still see my worth as a person.

I want some changes in life and until now, I haven’t thought of something to start with. My mind’s been in chaos these past few days that I couldn’t think straight. I have to set some goals to give my life directions. I have to admit that I’m not contented with the career path I’m into right now. I need some growth and I need a career that will somehow put my future into a secured place, as well as to give justice to my profession which I’ve given my all and not be taken for granted by “monster” employers.

I’ve realized that I’m not getting any younger and I have to do something for my future. I also have to prove something to my family, because I feel that I haven’t proven anything yet to them. I’ve got to start by seeking a job that can give me the growth I’ve been looking for.

I don’t need lots of luxuries in life…all I need is that I can be able to make my family proud of me, and not to depend on them all my life.

Yesterday, my friend Anna and me have been talking about our plans of going abroad. She’s realized that she needs to set her children’s future and doesn’t want to depend on her in-laws who’ve been continuously supporting them from monthly bills to other fees. She even told me to encourage me that me, being single has all the opportunities to seek my luck in other countries, unlike her, she’s married and her youngest is still small, but it never came to her that her status and children can be her hindrance of going abroad and I think she’s also one of the reasons on why I finally woke up from my deepest slumber.

I know Anna and me will be able to ace this…with the guidance of the Lord, of course.

Of Loneliness and Tears

2005-11-14T08:43:00.000+08:00

Last night was one of the worst nights I've ever had. It's one of the things that I fear of coming. V broke one of the worst news I've ever heard in my entire life...he's going abroad.

At 10 am, on the same day, I've texted him and asked him how he's doing...

ME: Hi there!!! Long time no text, what happened, I've been texting but no reply from you. =(

V: Hey, sorry. I was just busy shopping for a suit to wear for my interview later.

ME: Huh, what interview???

V: Interview at Dusit Hotel. I'll be applying as a bellhop.hehehe

(Of course, I didn't believe him...he's into something I guessed at that time...I wasn't convinced, so I chose not to reply back.)

Since our texting ended, I've felt restless. A lot of things have been spinning 'round my head...I'm beginning to feel paranoid.

At about 7 in the evening, I've texted again. Albeit I'm not convinced with the bellhop issue, I still decided to ask him how the interview went.

ME: How's the interview?

V: Ayos lang. Hintay na lang daw result.

ME: Di nga??

V: Oo nga.

ME: I'm not convinced talaga, eh. Ano ba talaga yan?

V: Job sa Korea

(That's it!!! I was like being suddenly hit...can't explain the feelings/emotions I've felt at that time, that I ended up crying...)

But I was still able to reply back...

ME: Well, I just wish you all the best sa lahat ng plans mo.

He thanked me...and since then, I wasn't in my usual self. I've started to feel depressed and lonely for whatever things that will happen when he will finally say goodbye. I know he's still waiting for the results to come, but I'm confident enough that he'll gonna make it because of his credentials.

I fear of this coming..why did it have to happen so soon. We've parted ways before...for 10 years, and now that I've found him once again, I've told myself that I won't let him go anymore. But, what's this??? He's going away from me once again. I don't want to be a hindrance in fulfilling his dreams, I'll be the last person who will be if ever. So I just have to accept his decisions.

I hate goodbyes...I won't ever say goodbye to him...I just have to put into my mind that he's been based in a foreign country, that sooner or later, maybe a year or two, he'll be coming back.

Since last night, I've already shed buckets of tears. I wasn't able to sleep well, and when I woke up this morning, the next thing I did after I've opened my eyes was to think about him...and it made me cry once again. I've no idea for how long will I be like this...one thing's for sure, I'll be missing him.

I have to think of some ways to overcome loneliness in missing him. Surely I'll miss him...everything about him. How am I going to wake up everyday when I know he's away from me. I still have to wait for him though. I know I'll be able to survive this, with the guidance from the Man up there...I know He has a good reason for this, I just have to trust Him more and leave everything to Him.

About anything...

2005-11-11T08:58:00.000+08:00

I missed blogging. It's just a few days since I blogged, but it seems like it's been a million years since I last blogged or visited my page. I was busy sending thank you emails to friends who've sent me a birthday greeting via email. I'm trying to answer each one of them though, to let them know I was really so touched for remembering that special day.

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This Sunday, it's gonna be my mom's birthday. Me and my sisters have been planning on what to do to surprise her, but definitely, we'll gonna be having a luncheon get-together this Sunday with the whole family.

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Been planning (again) with my college barkada about the outing on the 26th. And I could say that we were all too excited for that.

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Somebody from Morocco have been sending me emails asking me about "amiar". He's been asking me if we're related, because he thought that amiar was my surname (coincidentally, his surname is amiar). I just told him that it was only a "virtual name" to somehow hide my identity. =)

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Late birthday greetings have been pouring in until now...at least, they've remembered, even if it's already quite late.heheh

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It's been two weeks since I've played badminton. Most of my playmates can't make it, either they're busy with their work or they're not feeling well. As for me, I also can't find time to play this week because I'm just too lazy to play, that's all. But, we've already scheduled the game next week...rain or shine, busy or not, we have to go.

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44 days before Christmas. Kinda excited about it, vacation for the holidays is about to come...yipeee!!! That means a lot of shopping for gifts...I've a passion in buying gifts and wrapping them by myself...it gives me a certain feeling of enjoyment.

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As for my update about my "lovelife"...it's still him...nothing's changed. I'm inspired...

During my birthday...

2005-11-07T15:57:00.000+08:00

November 5's one of the best birthdays I've ever had.

Spent the eve of my birthday (thanks God, it's declared holiday), November 4 with my college friends...bestfriends Reah and Ellen with Cris. Really ahd a lot of fun, considering that it's been like 6 months since we got together. We reminisced our happy times way back in college and we ended up having pains in our tummies because of our unending laughters. They had their their lunch at home, and went to Mimosa Leisure Estate afterwards, then went on a night gimmick.

November 5...my birthday... special birthday I've ever had. Val wasn't the first one who greeted me, but wants to be the very last person to greet me..and i find it kinda cool and special. He stayed awake till 12 midnight and greeted me at last. I thought he's not going to greet me, so emote muna.hehehe

MANY THANKS:

Reah, Cris and Ellen: for the wonderful time we've spent together, for making my birthday memorable.

Mabelle, Maybelle, Jhaye, Jojo, Brother Bear, Anna: for the warm birthday greetings.

Kat and Rizalynn: for not forgetting special days in my life...friends forever!!!

Daphne: for finally dropping by to leave me a message via friendster, thanks for just being there.

My family...my sisters for their continued support, for the lambing and libre when it's supposed to be me to make libre.hehehe i owe you a lot!!!

My nephews and nieces: for waking me up with their happy birthday songs (kahit na out of tune)

Val: for EVERYTHING!!! for making my birthday special and memorable...birthday or not, i know my life will always be sensible and worthliving with your presence...thanks a marakal talaga!!!!

spendng time with my bestfriend

2005-11-07T15:31:00.000+08:00

with my bestfriend Reah (aka Mamu) during our get-together on the eve of my birthday, November 4

Birthday

2005-11-03T15:28:00.000+08:00

2 days before my birthday...

Same things will happen, get together with my family and spend time with my college friends inspite of their busy work scheds....at least they're trying to find some ways to celebrate this special day with me. Got a call from Ellen few hours ago, and told me they're going to celebrate with me on Sunday. Muntik na kong magtampo, but then, trick lang pala nila yon, how am i going to react if i'll learn they're not going to make it.hehe you've got me!!!!

Anyway, I know i'll be spending my birthday with my family and friends just like a year ago and from my other past birthdays...but then, my birthday this year will be complete if I'm going to spend a day or time with him...this will be one of my happiest birthdays if ever.

For "V"

2005-10-28T09:25:00.000+08:00

Only You

2005-10-25T09:47:00.000+08:00

I never thought that I could find peace of mind. You were here all along. I never thought that I could see someone like you who will love me most for what I am, for what I do. My heart will always keep on loving you. I won't let you go.

Sometimes I feel that I'm alone, far from home. But you're always here in my heart. You never left me all alone. Someone I know who will love me most for what I am, for what I do. My heart will always keep on loving you.

I have thought of things to do to show my love for you. But I guess what matters most is that my heart is true to you. The road may be rough but I'll follow you. I won't let you go. There will never be another.

-taken from Joey Benin's Only You, The Prelude

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Somebody's watching me I know, but I can't see you. Somebody's reading what I have in mind. Someone is here beside me I know, yes I can feel you. Someone is here, it's true...it's YOU.

Whenever I'm alone, I think of you. Whatever comes along, I think of you. It's you...Only YOU.

There was once a time when I had all these confusions. I looked for answers that has led me to more questions. But now my life has all been changed because of you. For now I believe, it's ture...it's YOU.

Whenever I'm alone, I think of you. When all my friends are gone, I think of you. JUst you, Only You.

I won't let you go. You'll always stay inside of me. And love will always grow, there will never be another.

Somebody's watching every little thing I do. Someone is here to guide me through. Someone is here to tell me what is right or wrong. Someone is here...it's YOU.

--Joey Benin's Only You (There Will Never Be Another)

A Business Proposal

2005-10-11T09:34:00.000+08:00

"Go on...don't ever, ever give up..."

This was the nicest thing I've ever heard from a friend yesterday.

Once in a while, I need someone to push me to go on. And yesterday, a friend of mine visited me when I was about to go home from work. We talked and realized that we have the same dilemma lately, that is, we don't want to be an employee forever, and we have to do something about it. We need to have something that we can call our "own".

We came up with the idea to put up our own business and we decided to finalize everything this week, and hopefully everything will be settled then. We have a lot of ideas in mind and I may say that two heads are better than one.

It came into my mind that maybe this is God's will...I've faith in him that after all the hardships we've been through, the sun will still shine upon us...and this is it!!!

I've consulted my family about this and promised to support us all the way, including the financial aspects.hehe

I need not to elaborate about the business yet...but later on, when everything's settled, it needs to come out in the open whether we like it or not.

I just need some more encouragements...but definitely this will push through no matter what...(my fingers are crossed) =)

Surely, you'll grin... =)

2005-10-07T08:33:00.000+08:00

I've got these funny quotations from my Alma Mater's paper for the first quarter and I want to share them with you.

1. It's not safe to drink and drive. You might stop suddenly and spill some of it.

2. Two good reasons why some people can't mind their own business. One, they have no minds. Two, They have no business.

3. It's really good to be open-minded but just make sure that your brain don't fall out.

4. You can never face your problem if your problem is your face.

5. Your future depends on your dreams. So go to sleep now!!!

6. Success is a relative term. It brings with you as many relatives.

7. For every successful man, there's a woman.

For every unsuccessful man, there are two women.

I Love You...Still

2005-09-28T09:32:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last saw you
I just can't believe I'll ever see you again
You've changed a lot
But I guess my feelings didn't change a bit
My heart started to beat once again
And saw flowers blooming around me
I finally realized I love you still.

And now we're standing close
I'm a loss for words
Don't know what to say
Nor what to do
I guess I haven't really changed
'Coz my heart still yearns for you
My heart still calls out your name.

I love you still...

I'll wait even if...

2005-09-27T10:03:00.000+08:00

It hurts to think that even if you really, really care so much for someone, that someone won't necessarily feel the same way for you.

I hate it when he ignores me, as if I don't even exist. I even hate him when he acts as if he's not affected. And when I miss him, I don't think he misses me.

It's already too late for me to say the things which I've kept in my heart for such a long time...that I've wasted every opportunities that came. I still love him, albeit I'm doing everything to move on even just a little.

I believe that our paths have crossed once again...but at the wrong time.

I'm just right here...WAITING...still...

A Simple Thought on Being Happy

2005-09-23T08:29:00.000+08:00

As I go bloghopping yesterday, I came across with this quotation and I really liked it 'coz it's really true. I decided to post it here and likewise become an inspiration to those who will read it.

"Being happy does not mean everything's perfect, it just means you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So don't say you're happy because everything's alright...be happy 'coz things suck but you're doing just fine."

Eerie

2005-09-19T09:02:00.000+08:00

I dismissed myself early from work last Friday, and I was already home at 3 in the afternoon. As soon as I got home, I prepared myself to sleep. I dozed off for like 4 hours and just woke up with the voice of my sister trying to tell a story in the living room. I went out of my room and caught up with here story...here goes:

My sister together with 4 of her officemates/friends stayed way past 5 at their office, having chitchats and just having a good time since it's already Friday. My sis together with one of her officemates went into the administrative room and helped her officemate to make slides for her son's project. As soon as they've finished making the slides, they decided to quit the program and shut down the computer. But the pc won't shut down and it keeps on coming back to the slides they've made but were not saved into the computer. They've tried another option, which is to just use the ctrl+alt+del keys. But it didn't work, and the slides kept on coming back. At that time, her officemate who's a "lagayan" already felt that there's a presence in the room, but just decided not to tell my sis about it. They exchanged glances and decided to just pull off the connections and rushed out of the room immediately. They've learned that there really is somebody in their office, and they've concluded that maybe it's just his way of telling my sis and her officemates to vacate the room, since it's way past the working hours and they're already disturbing him. This was the man who once became an employee of the company who died of heart attack. Many of the employees have seen the man during the morning, wearing a barong, standing in the corner of the room, and can see right through him, and it will vanish into thin air.

Eerie, isn't it? But no matter how eerie it is, let's just pray for the soul of the man that he will soon move on and see the light, and go to wherever he's supposed to rest in peace...

Lazy Thursday

2005-09-15T12:58:00.000+08:00

I feel so lazy today...too lazy to think and even too lazy to move. I just stuck myself here infront of the pc thinking of some ways to pass the time.

When I woke up this morning, the rain's already pouring so hard, that's the reason on why it's quite difficult for me to open my eyes, wake up and prepare for work. So, I ended up coming in late at work today (again, for the nth time...hahaha).

Luckily, there's not much work to do now, I've already finished doing my reports yesterday. So, I've got all the time in the world today to do what I want...thought of surfing the net and I spent almost half of my day surfing.

I was just curious...why is it that during rainy days, we tend to get lazy and what we just want to do is to curl up in bed and sleep the whole day? Or maybe, eat junk foods, read a good book or watch tv marathons?

Blue(?)

2005-09-12T14:08:00.000+08:00

I'm not yet through with my whining, so please pardon me for posting another one again. It kinda helps me release myself from whatever sad feelings I have.

I'm not yet through with thinking on how am I going to live my life without him.

Although I still feel sad whenever I think of him, I could say that I'm a bit okay now...I haven't completely recovered, but I'm trying to get past the hurt and the tears I've shed. I couldn't cry anymore, maybe my tear ducts have already run out of tears to shed from being overworked these past few weeks.

My best friend tells me over and over again to move on and that it would be very unfair for me to still hold on when he's not even feeling the pains I'm in to. But the problem is, I can't bring myself to reality and convince myself that life has to move on...without him…that’s why I’ve a difficulty heeding the advices I get from them. Sigh.

I have to admit that one of the reasons on why am I having a hard time letting go is because of the good things I've learned from him, because of the changes he's done to me. My life became sensible and I became a better person. A lot of people have seen through me that I was a contented and extremely happy person...all because of him.

I've stopped blaming myself for what happened (no one has to be blamed after all...I didn't choose to love him, it was love who chose me). I've stopped wishing that I could have done more to make everything happen.

I guess I have no reasons to let go. I didn't see any flaws in him (he's almost perfect), he didn't ask me to stop holding on...it was me who stopped. Nevertheless, we remained close and we're friends.

It took me a while and likewise taking me a while to finally accept that our relationship will never be more than I've expected. The pain kills me whenever I think of him being with another girl sooner or later...I know I'm torturing myself too much...I can't go on feeling like this forever because I know I'm being unfair to myself.

Joey B. of Side A

2005-09-06T14:18:00.000+08:00

He makes me forget all my heartaches temporarily...=)

Of Loving, Hoping and Believing

2005-09-05T10:32:00.000+08:00

"...I believe in dreams, I believe in miracles, I believe that toy balloons can reach and touch the moon..." A song from Side A that inspires me whenever I hear it. True, dreams are not always make-believe, they're not just for kids, but to all of us who still believe.

I have loved and lost, but I never stopped believing in dreams and in true love. I know how painful it is to loose someone...someone who became a center of my life, someone who've made my life colorful. But loosing someone can bring out the best in me...I became tougher in every situation I'm into, I've learned to love and appreciate unconditionally.

Life is so short, that's why I never forget to appreciate the things and people around me...my family and friends...to all that really matter. They've loved me for what I am and for what I can't be, they stood up for me, they lifted me up and they will never leave me even if the whole world have already turned their backs on me.

In loving and loosing, I became much wiser, but not made me become stoic and selfish. I'm still the same ol' me, but a lot stronger than before. I try to give my best in everything for I know that it's the only way to make life worthwhile.

Though I've loved and lost, I'll never stop loving and hoping. And if I'll be given the chance to choose someone to love all over again, it will still be him whom I'll choose...that's how I love him, and time will tell when I'm gonna fall out of love with him.

TGIF!

2005-09-02T10:45:00.000+08:00

Thanks God it's Friday!!!

For the past two days, I was soooo pressured with my work, was so busy that I've no time to even have a short break for anything...well, I can still have my lunch on time but I've no appetite if I'm having problems with my work.

First, I had difficulties transferring a particular file to the server. There was always an error, I've spent the whole day in front of the pc online.

Second, tried another alternative by asking the server to upload the files for us. Tried attaching the files to email instead, but our connection's having problems, too. I've spent half of the day yesterday trying to fix it. Fortunately, after a lot of fixing, was able to send it later in the afternoon.

And now, after receiving the corrected database from our server, I've downloaded it already this morning, made some editings and everything's alright!!! Thanks God!!! Seems like I was finally released from hell. I'm already relieved.

-------
It's the second day of September now..."ber" months have already started yesterday...and I can say that Christmas is just around the corner...but wait, I guess I could also say that my birthday is just around the corner.harharhar See the number on the lower right corner of the clock? That's the number of days left before my birthday. Hmmm, I've something in my mind that can make my birthday more meaningful this year. ;)

-------
My pressures from work were compensated yesterday for I've got some good news from my superiors. I'll be receiving my salary adjustments for this year next payday. yipeeee!!!

-------
To divert all the pressures and "heartaches" I've been through lately, I've got something to get myself busy. I've replaced my fishes in my aquarium with flowerhorns...I could say I've been addicted to them lately, that I'm always excited to see them after work to see if their hutch on their heads is growing bigger and if they're getting uglier.hahaha Just by looking at them swim in the aquarium makes me release whatever pressures I'm having.

-------
But hey, I haven't forgotten him...;)

Must Love Dogs

2005-08-31T10:44:00.000+08:00

I was able to watch a John Cusack's film last weekend...just want to share what he's said that really hit me (well, just a little...hahaha)...

"...the whole point of getting hurt is to grow your heart a lot bigger for the right one..."

Rebirth (?)

2005-08-24T09:08:00.000+08:00

Since Monday, I've started a "new" life...a rebirth. I've started another chapter in my life...at least, that's what I think of. I can't say I already moved on, it's very difficult to do it...whenever there's an idle moment, can't help but to think about him. Whenever I hear a song that best describes my recent feelings, can't help but to be misty-eyed. I need a LIFE...but how am I going to get through this, if in my heart, it's still him who occupies a big part of it?

My friends have all tried to comfort me, texted me and even gave me a ring just for me to know they're just here, ready to listen... especially my bestfriend. She went all the way from Manila yesterday just to be able to be with me...she never uttered a word, she just listened and offered her shoulder for me to cry on.

As i go from blog to blog yesterday, I came across this particular song which speaks a lot of me...and I checked my mp3s in my pc if I've got a copy, and luckily, I've got one...and started playing it over and over again:

TATTOOED IN MY MIND (D'Sound)

Maybe you'll soon forget about all
Or maybe you'll miss it like I do
One thing's for sure
I'm all knocked out
Spend too much time thinking of you

And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dream...

...I want to curse you for being so sweet and so kind...

Untitled

2005-08-22T08:49:00.000+08:00

I've never been in this kind of pain before...the feeling is way much different from the previous pains I've been through. Seems like my world suddenly stopped from revolving. I was like being hit. Emotional pain is more painful than physical.

I cried... I was thinking that after this, what's next...will I be able to move on? If I'll be able to move on...when will it be?

I just thought that I need a time for myself. I need to spare even a little time and love for myself. After a lot of thinking, I've finally realized that I have to end whatever feelings I have as early as possible, though it's easier said than done, because I might not be able to let go if I'll still let some months or years to pass.

----
I'm not in the mood for anything right now. While I was working on my reports, it's already too late for me to realize that I'm already crying. I just noticed it when a tear fell down from my inventory sheet. Sigh...for how long will I be like this?

H-E-L-L-O

2005-08-18T09:30:00.000+08:00

A simple hi and hello can do everything.....

Thoughts and my endless musings

2005-08-18T09:27:00.000+08:00

Since last week, I haven't been in my usual self. There are a lot of things going through my mind and unfortunately, I wasn't able to track each one of them. Such disorganized thoughts I have, I suppose...sigh...

Lots of things have been spinning around my head, that someone recently joked that I might get crazy with all the thinking stuffs I'm doing. Just can't help it.

There is something that I want to get off my chest (?)...a thought that I want to let out but something is holding me back. Lots of things have been stopping me from doing so..circumstances wouldn't let me.

What stops me is FEAR...the fear of doing the wrong move, of saying the wrong things and of being rejected. I've never been in this situation before...I'm not this straight-forward as before...just now. I don't know what to do and neither don't want to risk it all. I fear of being misunderstood so much that I wanted to blurt everything out.

I'm already tired of getting disappointed, I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of my endless musings...but I'm not gonna get tired of loving the person who've made a BIG difference in my life...I'll try to hold on still.

This day, my weekend and a song

2005-08-15T14:54:00.000+08:00

- I went home early from work last Friday, and went straight to the badminton center where I usually play. The rain's pouring so hard and I ended up getting soaked after the game, aside from being soaked with sweat. After the game, I went to the mall to meet my cousin who's having some problem with his girlfriend. That was my first time to ever see him cry infront of me, for I know him as a tough guy. He really loves the girl, so I could say that the girl is loosing a lot.tsk tsk...i pity her.

- Saturday morning, I went to the dentist for my dental appointment, after that, I headed to the school where my nephews are studying to fetch them...my Alma Mater... they're having Saturday classes for their first periodical test. It feels great to go back where I once studied. The last time I was there was last February for the foundation day. I couldn't help but to reminisce once again...my happy moments and not-so-happy ones. I couldn't imagine spending almost half of my life there...how time flies.

- Sunday...just stayed home and went to the Church in the afternoon.

- Monday: back to work...I was 15 minutes late, 'coz it's very difficult to wake up in this cold morning.

I happened to be listening to the radio while I'm working on my reports this morning, and I heard this song, don't know the title and the singer, but I remembered some of the lyrics...here goes:

Here I am again, trying to take the chance
I'm longing for your touch
Longing for your warm embrace
Oh, how I miss you, baby

Here I am again, trying to say the words
I've failed to say before
I wish I've said it all to you
Oh, how I love you, baby

You're the only one who can make my life complete
Oh baby, your love is all I need
You're the only one who can bring a smile to me
You're the only one that I wanna be with

Of being taken for granted

2005-08-11T10:43:00.000+08:00

Why are there people who keeps on depending too much on others? Why are there people (just like me)who are not very good in saying "no"?

Today, I have this dilemma of being taken for granted...by some of the people here in our office. I was so furious...I want to shout at them...but I just have to keep whatever emotions I have. It's always me who's giving in...

E: "Favor naman, aga ako out ngayon kasi anniv namin ng wife ko."
ME: "Sige."

After a week
E: "Uwi ako aga, ha, kasi la na rin namang ginagawa."
ME: "Reason ba yon para umuwi ng wala sa oras?" (medyo dikit na eyebrows ko)
E: "Ah basta, uwi ako aga."
ME: (I just kept quiet, 'coz I might say something that could hurt him, my patience is already in its lowest level)

And now
E: "Uwi ako maaga ngayon kasi pinapauwi ako ng maaga ng asawa ko."
ME: (Soooooo furious, no words were uttered)

And until now, I was fuming mad, because I feel that everything is my responsibility, I'm always the one being "pakiusapan", kasi hindi ako mahirap kausap, it's very difficult for me to say NO. They always depend everything to me...even jobs that are not even stated at my job description...and what happened? I did those jobs pa rin, for as long as I can do it naman.

I'm an Analyst, with another workload added as a Systems Administrator. My work includes: signing of result forms, quality control assurance, testing and analysis of samples, monthly and annual reports, manage the computer system. Everything ends from there...at least that's what I know.

But then, pati accounting, inventories, planning and decision making. I have to admit that my superiors put their whole trust in me, giving me tasks that entails proper decisions and planning, na dapat sila na ang mag-decide, kasi mas nakakaintindi ako dahil nasa line of work ko 'yun, and I thank them for that, but I just can't help it that sometimes I feel fed up with it, sasamahan pa ng mga buwisit kong officemates.

A lot of times, nagkukuwentuhan na lang sila, samahan pa ng shit na yosi break nila, but me, what am i doing?????? hayun, problemado how am i going to balance the inventories, and other related stuffs...di man nila ako matulungan. 'Nyeta, shit talaga!!!!

--pls. forgive me for all the cursings I've written in this posts--
just can't help it...

Insights

2005-08-08T11:23:00.000+08:00

I'm not feeling well today, I've got a bad cold and a headache. Aside from being unwell physically, I'm also emotionally unwell right now. I just miss him, and haven't heard from him this morning. It's just very unusual of him lately, and I'm afraid to ask him about his recent behavior. I'm affected whenever he's not on his usual self. But I have to hang on...

When I entered the office this morning, an officemate friend of mine approached and asked me for my advice...now it's his turn to ask for my advice coz I've been seeking advices from him, too. He asked me if girls are that insensitive that sometimes he feels that he's being taken for granted by his wife, knowing that he really loves his wife so much.

I told him to talk to his wife and tell her what he feels and adviced him to hold on still because... if you really love the person, no matter what happens, you will still go on your way to pursue that person and never give that person up. The Lord will not give us anything that we cannot handle, it's just His way of testing us how much can we take and to test us how strong our faith is.

Acceptance

2005-08-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

Just want to share a little thought about "acceptance"...as what I've told a special friend of mine 2 days ago...

---if you really "value" (love) the person, you're more than willing to accept him for what he is, for what he doesn't have and for what he can't be...i don't care about his D.L.S., even a million DLS for that matter...for I love him for what he is now and for what he was before I even met him way back...nothing can change that no matter what...that's a PROMISE.

My memories with mamu

2005-08-05T10:08:00.000+08:00

MAMU-my endearment to my college bestfriend.

---thought of sharing my memories with her---

- we've met June 5, 1996, it was already the 3rd day of our classes...we're freshmen already!!! the place: PHL lab. (forgot the room no.) for our Chem. class.
- since then, we became "partners in crime". We were not only the best of friends, we're like sisters, and she was like my mother, too, for she knows me inside out...that's when the name "mamu" came out.
- always "tambay' at La Co, eat street foods while boy watching =D
- our block mates often call us "machika 1 and 2" because we never run out of stories to tell each other, as if we haven't met each other for a long, long time
- became "stalker" to her crush(prof namin), that we ended up walking from mendiola to espana
- she knows me if I'm sad or if I have problems even if I won't tell her. there was an incident that I was in a bad mood, and she told me that she's willing to do everything I want just for me to feel better. I told her to accompany me to our province, because I was supposed to get home at that time (that was Saturday). I was touched because she did accompany me, kahit na tinulugan ako sa bus because we haven't slept at that time because of a slumber party the other night.
- poison letters that we "mail" inside the lockers
- fungi...Monilla, Streptococcus, etc.
- the alcohol lamp I'm holding, my bag outside the lab, while our Micro prof calls out our name to give us deductions if we don't leave the room asap
- breaking my pencil into two just for her to use during the exams, because she's not bringing one.
- giving me letters, tons of letters ( i still have them )
- accompanied me to VMMC for my qualifying exams for internship
- "mystery caller" to John
- our "exempted" days ;) hey, we're good students naman.haha
- our "sessions" with PM
- the beggar @ Wendy's trying to get the frosty (my favorite) I'm eating
- watching movies almost twice a week because of our long vacant periods
- the cr near the accounting office
- wearing my skirt because hers got soiled, but was not given the permission to enter the school by the guard...kasi micro mini sa kanya yung skirt ko.hahaha but she was able to enter kasi dumaan siya sa isang gate.
-walking from a.bonifacio (chinese gen.) to tayuman because of the traffic, so we can be able to be on time for our Clin.Chem finals.
- not going to our Rizal class because we want to see our crushes play at the gym. we ended up being punished, we were asked to do a research work, the report should be handwritten!!!
- had a big problem during our Clin. Micro., assignment: bring specimen for "sperm analysis". we were all girls in the group, so our problem is to look for a guy who can provide for us. Luckily, may pumayag naman.hahaha
----and a lot more memories pa---- this space will not be enough.

Yesterday....

2005-08-05T08:35:00.000+08:00

I had a bad day yesterday. It all started with the dream I had at about 4 in the morning...I thought it's really happening that I even cried during my sleep and just noticed it when I woke up. It's one of the worst dream I ever had. It's not a nightmare. It's about a guy, it so happened that I have feelings for this person and in my dreams, he's with a girl, they're so sweet and they're showing it right infront of me. Imagine the pains I had at that time and in reality, I don't think I could even handle such thing. It's one of my greatest fear, loosing him....maybe that's the reason why I had that terrible dream, it was already stored in my subconscious mind. I thought of that the whole day, no matter how much I try to divert the whole thing.

----

At about 5 in the afternoon, I got a message from my college best friend, informing me about the latest album of Side A...(Side A gigs...Live), because she knows how much I love them. And my bad day turned into a li'l bit of a good day...so excited to get a copy of their cd...and rain or shine, I'll buy today!!!!

----

Get to know more of the REAL me

2005-08-01T13:37:00.000+08:00

What's playing: Foolish Heart

1.) Am I sensitive or insensitive?
-- it depends on the situation, but I'm more of the sensitive type of person, I can easily feel if something is wrong.

2.) Am I willing to give up the person I really,really love for the sake of another person?
-- I'm not a saint nor an angel, I won't.

3.) What makes me cry?
-- At times when I feel all alone, when I'm hurt either physically or emotionally, when I'm too happy that I don't know how am I going to react.

4.) What situation makes me give up?
-- I never give up and never will.

** playing: 6,8,12 (Brian McKnight)

5.) Am I a showy kind of person?
-- Yes, I am.

6.) Regrets in life
-- Not being able to tell a person exactly how I really feel for him.

7.) How do I cope with it now?
-- carpe diem!!! Never mind the "what ifs".

8.) What do I hate most about myself?
-- My being a moody person and sometimes being paranoid, but I'm trying to work that out though...nobody's perfect. ;)

9.) Hurt?
-- Many times, but being hurt before made me a strong person (hopefully).

10.) Am I a jealous person?
-- Depends on the situation. It's not wrong to get jealous, but we should also know how to put jealousy in its proper place...there should always be a limit.

***playing: Everytime I Close my Eyes (Babyface)

11.) Regrets for loving the persons who hurt me?
-- Nope, they even did me a favor...made me stronger.

12.) My prayers every night...
-- To guide and bless my family and all those people close to my heart.

13.) What's in my heart right now?
-- The name of the person I've loved since I've learned how is it to be in love.

14.) Songs that I can dedicate to him
-- YOU (Martin Nievera)...You are the one who makes me happy...
-- Till I Met You...Till I met U, I never knew what love was...
-- Let me Love You (Mario) Let me love U from the bottom of my heart...

Things that just crossed my mind

2005-07-28T13:28:00.000+08:00

The setting: @ my workplace, trying to figure out what to do in this boring afternoon and listening to my mp3...what's playing...unwell by matchbox 20

Decided to visit my blog, and thought of posting something...no idea in my mind, so anything goes...

1.) I'm thinking of him...what he's doing, if he's already eaten and other stuffs.hahaha

2.) If you've been good to people, the goodness will be returned to you in threefolds.

3.) In life, you can pinpoint who your real friends are at times when all of those people whom you've mistaken as friends have already left you.

4.) Trust makes any relationship stronger.

5.) Love moves in mysterious ways and it comes to you unexpectedly.

----- what's playing: Only hope by Mandy Moore

6.) There's a big difference between loving and appreciating...learned that from the movie I just watched recently...If only.

7.) The question: What if life gives you the second chance to love the one you lost? --from If Only

8.) The answer: I'll take all the chances I could get to let that person know I do really love him so much, and do things that I wasn't able to do before that led me to being away from him.

9.) A guy who loves his family will be a good family man in the future.

10.) Always put God first in everything we do...coz' no matter what happens, He will never ever leave us.

Stuffs that remind me of him...

2005-07-19T14:42:00.000+08:00

Looks like I really do miss him a lot...so I thought of posting things about him, and these things put a smile on my face whenever I remember them:

-- his being narcoleptic...can sleep even if he's standing!!! =)
-- mr. sandman...keeps on visiting him every night
-- "jack of all trades"...can do almost everything
-- loves pizza...yellow cab
-- has a very big appetite ;)
-- funny and naughty punchlines
-- loves movies and dvds
-- has a crush on Angelina Jolie
-- sabi niya, he's Brad Pitt ( eh di sige...)hahaha
-- always excited every Friday...because he's going home
-- mahilig mang-asar
-- there are 12 Commandments (he made the 11th and the 12th..hahaha)
-- loves Fridays and hates Mondays
-- sick leave ;)
-- loves bumming around

And what I like about him...he's just HIM..a real person, who loves and adores his family so much.=)

missin' him

2005-07-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

Been a long, long time since I've been here...just busy with some stuffs I guess, or I'm just too lazy to think on what am I going to write in here.

My life's still the same...work, home, work, home, and once in a while going to places to unwind a little with friends. Went out some of my college friends last Saturday, and I should say that I really had a great time with them, and we're looking forward to another night out with my co-"metal" girls.hehehe We decided to call our group (me, Reah and Ellen) metal girls 'coz all three of us are wearing "metals" (know what i mean...braces!!!)harharhar
-------------

Lately, I've realized that i'm missing him soooo much...dunno what came into me last Saturday night that I was able to partly tell him how I feel at that time...and I have to admit that the reason on why I said those things to him was because I just miss him. Lately, we haven't been texting that much, that I just missed his wacky ideas, his funny puchlines and his good nights...God knows how much I really miss him!!!

As time goes by, nothing has changed about the way I feel for him, my feelings even grew more, and keeps on growing each day...because I'm getting to know the "real" him...no pretensions and loves his family so much...the main reasons on why my feelings for him even grew more.

I'm still holding on...

I want to share this thought I've read to everybody....here goes:
"Love comes to those who still hope eventhough they have been rejected, to those who still believe eventhough they have been disappointed, and to those who still love eventhough they have been hurt before..." ---hope I was able to touch your hearts with this one---

@ Lunch Break

2005-05-19T12:45:00.000+08:00

I just had my lunch, and while I'm waiting for lunch break to finish, I decided to blog again. Blogging is my outlet, it lets me come out of my real self once in a while...it's like a diary for me where i put all my thoughts, pains and joys, and after putting the all here, it makes me feel good somehow.=)

Last day of work for this week (we're only having a 4 days/wk work since April till end of May), and I just don't have any idea on how am i going to spend my weekend, so as not to think about what's been happening lately. But, i"ve no regrets, huh. =D

Plans:

Friday - Just stay at home. Not obliged to get up early, so maybe longer sleep for tomorrow. Don't have somebody to accompany me to watch a movie, Star Wars, so maybe I just have to ask my cousin to watch a movie with me...my treat!!

Saturday - I have a dental appointment at 9 a.m., for my wiring adjustments...ouch, day of toothaches!!! And maybe, if I'm still comfortable with the pain, probably, spend an hour or so playing badminton. If not, I'd rather stay home and sleep.

Sunday - Hear mass at 9 a.m. Time to devote the day to Him.

Inspirations

2005-05-19T09:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning was a tiring day for me, I have lots of clients to attend to, at the same time, updating my files which I haven't done for more than a week now. I've to be blamed for that... well, not exactly, because for the past weeks, I've been very busy revising our technical and administrative manual as a preparation for an over-all inspection. I feel like all the responsibilities are on my shoulders, that sometimes, I feel like crying. I feel that my mind's gonna burst with all the thingd I'm going through with my work and personal stuffs. But, I know I can be able to survive this...hopefully!! =D

To unwind with all the things I've been through lately, I decided to play badminton right after work yesterday...played for more than an hour...it really helped me a lot. When it's time for me to go home, it's already raining outside, the wind blowing so hard, accompanied by thunder and lightning. It was already past 7, and I really need to get home, so I decided to walk under the rain, unfortunately, I'm not bringing an umbrella with me...so no choice but become "basang sisiw".

And when I got home, I took a shower, because I'm dripping wet with the rain outside, then I had a quick dinner and decided to retire early, coz I'm having my back pains again. I'm having second thoughts (or maybe 3rd or 4th thoughts...is there such thing???) whether I'll be texting him or not. I don't know what's happening to me...like he's the one I'm expecting to react differently ("iwas") with all the things I've "confessed" to him, but here I am, it seems like I'm the one doing it. But I just can't give up, I just can't let go, so I still decided to text him. I'm really so touched with all the good things he's been showing me, like really spending some time and load(?) =D just to text me back. That sometimes, I'm affected by paranoia, that what if, I'm taking too much of his time, but he just can't tell that straight to me. Well, pardon me for being paranoid...I'm trying to work it out though.

But, know what, call me "mababaw", actually I am, but whenever he texts me, I just can't explain the joy he's bringing me and the "positive" changes he's bringing into my life.

It's already past 10, can't sleep, I decided to look for something to
read, and found an inspirational book at my sister's shelves, just forgot the title, but it's really a good one, though I've only read a few chapters. There's a story there which is kinda similar with what I'm going through...the girl finally opened up her feelings to a certain guy.Her feelings towards him were just kept to herself for quite a while.

What caught my attention and inspired me most was, it's alright to tell a person how you feel, whether you're in a society where it's a taboo for girls to express their feelings to a guy. Because if you love someone, go on your way and tell that person how you feel, it doesn't matter if he can also bring back the feelings you have for him, but what's important is that he knows and he's aware of how you really feel for him...take it one step at a time, because if you're really meant for each other, love will find its way, and it is the Lord up there who knows what's best for the both of you. That's unconditional love, not asking for something in return...it is just a matter of a right timing, and a good opportunity comes with it if you take it one step at a time. Just keep in mind to let that person know that you're also worthy of his love and attention.

To all the people who's been visiting my blog, keep this in mind and let this be your guide in your everyday life..."Commit yourself to the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart..." Entrust everything to Him and hang on...

Finally...

2005-05-18T12:19:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was able to spill it out to him everything that he needs to know...finally!!! It just happened and I thought I'm not gonna be able to open up whatever feelings I have inside of me. I can't believe I actually did it, despite the fact that I'm not a very vocal person...very secretive and for as long as I can keep something to myself, I really do.

I guess what happened last night was according to God's will, because I know that everything happens for a reason...a reason that the Lord only knows. Whatever it is, I entrust everything to Him, my faith still intact, my hopes still high.

When I spilled it out and he told me that he already knew all about it before I even told him, I didn't know how to react, that I ended up crying instead. I never expected this to happen so soon, though I've felt that a heavy load was lifted up from my shoulders.

Fear still bothers me, even if I already told him everything...fear of loosing him after all the things I've told him, because I just can't really let go. But, I trust everything he told me...

I also have to thank him for his acceptance and understanding. =D If not for him, I wouldn't be able to come out of my shell so soon...he's WORTH all the pains and joys I've been and going through after all.

Dare or not to dare

2005-05-08T10:58:00.000+08:00

I was at the bookstore last Friday when I've started texting a special friend whom i've never get in contact to in a while, and as we go along with our "chikahan", we dared each other. I think that dare stuff started when he told me that he's not the same good ol' guy as before. So ive texted him back that he has to prove that to me before i get convinced. We dared each other, and he's asking me to tell im what to do to prove it. I don't have any idea on how am i going to tell him to prove it, but something came into my mind, actually its not even related to the "bad" thing, eh...but i have to go on with the dare and told him to check out this page, because this weblog is an extension of myself, not everybody knows i have this page, so this is my so-called diary, where my feelings are, thoughts and pains and everytime i need a someone to turn to, this is where i go. I never thought that i could actually give this page away to him, because somehow, i'm a very secretive person, and for as long as i can keep whatever feelings to myself, i really do.

Maybe because i just learned my lesson from the past...not telling the person what i really feel, denying that even to myself ..and i end up crying and feeling the pains of loosing someone. I don't want to loose that someone anymore, he's my everything.

You know what, this is quite mababaw, and shall i call myself "martir" when it comes to love???? It's difficult to admit, but i have to admit it though. He's smart enough to get an idea that I still love him, but I still need to let him know though, problem is, i dont know how. And as part of the dare, i want to tell him that even just for a day or two, I'll know how is it to be loved by him, how is it to be in his arms....is it okay if i call him mine....to the point na kahit na may mahal siyang iba, i don't care. As always, love is always like that.....